witnessing the way that people attack, dehumanize, disrespect and judge other human beings (yes, celebrities are in fact human fucking beings, who the fuck knew right) makes my stomach churn because it is so gotdamn embarrassing that so many people are so quick to judge something that they are LUCKY they couldn’t even begin to understand. not a lot of people know about the severe emotional abuse kim was put through when the love of her life helped kick start and invest himself into her career/life when she first met the notorious BIG, the man who loudly destroyed her inside and out. he tossed her around, degraded her, made it no mystery that he preferred “light skinned women”, consistently shat on her complexion because of it, cheated on her with women who fit his criteria of “perfection, and was consistently made to feel like she would never be wanted in any area she strived to exist in, after all she was also a black, dark skinned woman in hip-hop and rap— no fucking walk in the park.
some people are lucky enough to never experience the toll an emotionally abusive relationship will have on someone, especially as a woman. and for lil kim, as a black woman, who because of her skin tone she’s had to develop a larger vision of our society probably moreso than any other group— i cant imagine how deep the graves are that have been dug inside herself, because emotional abuse from someone you love, and who claims to love you does exactly that— it turns a woman into a fucking graveyard, where all the things you strive to be and all the things you used to be end up suffocated by the weight of self-doubt, dysphoria, and self destruction.
i give lil kim so many props, ALL OF THE MOTHERFUCKING PROPS, for being alive today and for being such a successful and important icon in hiphop and rap as a female artist. she has dodged the inevitable extinction of women who have been emotionally tortured. when your soul and a sense of who you are has just been so royally fucking snatched from yourself, you spend the rest of your life trying to fill that hole. and i identify with this, and people who are addicts (like myself) who are constantly trying to escape the reality of themselves and what they were left with once they’ve been robbed. we often hear cookie cutter tales about celebrities/other human beings that leave a judgemental sour taste in your mouth such as “well, her father was never around, that explains why she’s such a slut. must be daddy issues.” or “her mother was an alcoholic, so of course she is now too. and she’s famous, so obviously she has an eating disorder. gross.” and we look at those stories and say “how pathetic” and shrug it off but don’t observe and even TRY to empathize with the behaviors. we are all addicts in a sense. some of us eat too much, some of us steal, online shop at the wee hours of the night, hoard newspapers, have a lot of sex, compulsively buy makeup, smoke cigarettes—- the list goes on and on. and so many people are lucky they don’t have an addiction that knocks on death’s door every time it’s practiced. but so yeah, it makes SENSE why lil kim had so much plastic surgery, right? i think no one bothers to even look another human being in the face sometimes and tries to see themselves. it’s either that, or they immediately see their reflection and deny it and jump on the defense. “oh, well at least i’m not THAT bad.” most of y’all are lucky it never gets “THAT bad.”
sorry this was all over the place but i have mad love for lil kim and my heart has just grown so fucking big ever since my own personal addiction started, and i have so much empathy for other human beings because of it and idk this kind of shit just makes me sick and scares me. it literally terrifies me that such a significant amount of people out there are like this. and it inspires me to be strong and not care what other people think of me because the people who judge me and ridicule my behavior don’t even want to try to know the person who really is inside right here and i want no part in anyone who acts like that. that shit is none of my business.